The Mar-a-Lago Memoirs — January 27, 2021

Last night I had an S&M sexfest with a cat.

I mean, it was Melania dressed as a cat, but to say she is really getting into her fantasies would be more of an understatement than saying, “Joe Biden looks kind of sleepy” or “Hilary Clinton is a bit crooked.” Let me tell you, though, that kinky biz keeps this old motor running purrrrfectly (HA. GET IT!? She was a cat).

Speaking of baby making, it’s been a full week since we left the White House, and we’ve yet to hear from Barron. He said he forgot something in his room, and that’s the last we saw him… Those helicopters don’t wait, and he has to be like 11 or so by now, so he’ll figure it out. He has a credit card, and knows how to reach me on social medi… OH SHIT!

I’m sorry, I have to have someone locate my son. Be back soon.

Sincerely,

DJT